Similarities between Mr and Mrs. Ramsay

When we first started reading the book, one of our first discussion questions was about similarities within the novel. At first, I saw no similarities; afterward I reread the text closely and found similarities between William Banks and Mr. Ramsay. Similarly, I found that Mrs. Ramsay and Lily Briscoe had a lot of things in common as well. I still didn't find any comparisons between Mr. and Mrs. Ramsay.
My first impressions of the Ramsay family ended up being the complete opposite of what Woolf had intended. I thought that Mr. Ramsay was a pompous, self-absorbed and extremely bitter man. Surprisingly, after further readings I've come to realize that he really isn't as harmful as he seemed; I realized that he was actually very respectable , loving and kind.

"he could not help noting, as he passed, the sternness at the heart of her beauty. It saddened him, and her remoteness pained him, and he felt, as he passed, that he could not protect her, and when he reached the hedge, he was sad. He could do nothing to help her." (Woolf p.54)

Mr.Ramsay clearly displays his affection and emotions toward his wife. Perhaps he is intimidated by her, or scared to show her how much he cares. But, one can see as the text continues more details about how he feels about her. He clearly cares for her greatly and wants to be the man that James claims he could never be. However, I don't think he knows how to express those emotions. I think that Mr. Ramsay is actually a lot more timid than the beginning states.
From the first passages, he takes on the role of being conceited and mean because his son, James, dislikes him. However, I realized that James' opinion isn't the only person who knows Mr.Ramsay's character; actually Mrs. Ramsay seems to be quite fond of her husband, and revers him greatly.
Similarly, Mrs. Ramsay isn't the same character I thought she was either. At first, I thought of Mrs. Ramsay as this angelic, loving and family-oriented woman. However, as I continued on in the text I was shocked to see that she was almost the complete opposite of what I thought she was. Mrs. Ramsay, once alone, is a dark and gloomy character who is extremely pessimistic, claiming that all lives remain in the "lords hands".

"This core of darkness could go anywhere, for no one saw it. They could not stop it, she thought, exulting. There was freedom, there was peace, there was, most welcome of all, a summoning together, a resting on a platform of stability. Not as oneself did one find rest ever, in her experience (she accomplished here something dexterous with her needles), but as a wedge of darkness. Losing personality one lost the fret, the hurry, the stir; and there rose her lips always some exclamation of triumph over life when things came togetrher in this peace, this rest, this eternity," (Woolf p.53)

The idea that she seems so loving and kind isn't necessarily false, maybe she is. However, I believe she puts on a mask while with her children. When she's alone, she seems to be depressed and almost trapped; Mrs. Ramsay acts as though she hates her life and wants another one. The impression the reader gets after this passage is that she craves something new, she craves stability and personality, this essentially means that she believes she doesn't have stability or personality. When she's alone, she seems to crave even more solitude. However, when she's with her family she acts almost as if she is a completely different person.
While I believed Mr. and Mrs. Ramsay to be like polar opposites, I ended up finding a very strong similarity between the two. Both Mr and Mrs. Ramsay are shy and conceal themselves, but, the strongest idea that shone through was beauty. They both describe each other, in secret, as beautiful.